Letters To No One
by NishaFox
Summary: NaLu-ish- a series of letters written by Lucy addressed to Natsu during the one year time skip after Tartaros. She writes so she won't feel so lonely, she puts her feelings into words because that's how she's always coped with things. She refuses to let herself be broken by her pain, so she puts it all into words for an audience that will never see them. Or will they?
1. The First Letter

**A/N: Alright, here will be a collection of drabbles I guess. These will all be letters written by Lucy during the one year time skip. I realize this has probably been done before, multiple times I'm sure, and that it's kind of old news now, but I need to get these out of my system. Lucy is a writer, she wrote/writes letters to her deceased mother frequently, and I believe that she would have written to SOMEONE even if only for the sake of getting things off her chest. So I chose Natsu as the recipient, although none of them are ever sent. As someone who has dealt with depression and abandonment issues, as I feel Lucy battles with, I know how important it can be to put your struggles into words or art or SOMETHING to be able to deal with it.**

 **I'm not sure how many I am going to do for now, but I will post them as they come to me.**

 **Also, thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to read/review my work, I appreciate all of you!**

 **I do not own Fairy Tail or any of it's characters, they belong to Hiro Mashima.**

* * *

 _Dear Natsu,_

 _Hey, how are you? Is the training going well? I hope so._

 _I'm alright I guess. By now I'm sure you've heard about the guild. It's only been a few weeks but it feels so… wrong. I mean it's gone. I'm still not sure what to make of it. Everyone is going their separate ways now. Some people left so quick, it was hard to see them all go. Master gave everyone in the dorms time to find somewhere to go, guess I'm kinda lucky I have my own place. Well, not for long, not here anyway. Rent is due soon, and without the guild I can't go on any jobs. I'm moving to Crocus within the week, I got a job at Sorcerer Weekly! At least now I can maybe get a little more experience as an author._

 _It's so empty here, it's really… lonely. I keep forgetting that you're not here to barge in unannounced. I miss it, I know, silly, right? You always seemed to make every day brighter. But I really miss you guys, I miss YOU. I miss everyone._

 _You know, when I got your letter I couldn't believe it. I tried to find you, I had no idea where to even start, but I ran. I ran, and ran, and ran. It hurt. Not my legs, I honestly stopped feeling anything after the first few minutes. But my heart, it just, it hurt so much. It still hurts, and I still don't know if I completely believe that you're gone. I guess I thought you'd just always be here. That's really selfish of me isn't it? I don't blame you though, I mean I'm sure you have your reasons._

 _Oh listen to me rambling on though, I'm sure you've got lots of training ahead of you! I'll send this as soon as I get word of you. I'll keep track of everyone. I know Fairy Tail is gone, but we're all still family, right? We'll be together again someday. I have to believe that, even if no one else does._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_


	2. Change

_Dear Natsu,_

 _Well I made it to Crocus, and I still find it hard to believe how big this place really is! Even after all that time here… You know, it feels like we were here much longer than we really were, we made so many memories over those short days, good and, well, not so good. I don't want to say they were downright bad, I mean, no matter what, I still had the whole guild here with me, and that makes even the worst days better! I really wish you could be here with me, I could show you all the work they've done! And I found some places to get pretty decent fish so I think Happy would like it too._

 _How is he by the way? And how are you? I hope you dummies aren't causing TOO much property damage. Though I guess if you do maybe it'll be easier to find you so I can send this! I'll just send the last one with it._

 _I haven't heard much from anyone else yet either, Levy was the last one to write, lucky she sent it when she did too! I received it the last day I was in my old apartment, one day later and I wouldn't have gotten it. Don't worry though, I said I would make note of where everyone is and how they're doing, and celestial wizards never go back on their word!_

 _I've got a lot of unpacking and settling in to do before I meet up with the people from the magazine, so I'll let you get back to it. Promise me you'll take care of yourself okay? I'm counting on you to come back, so no going too crazy. I don't know what I'd do if you didn't…_

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

* * *

 **A/N: Still really short but I expect them to get longer as I go, and as Lucy starts dealing with her depression rather than hiding it away. I'm getting ideas for the next one so that might be today's project to keep me awake.**


	3. Smile

_Dear Natsu,_

 _I honestly don't know how Mirajane handled it, the magazine that is. Don't get me wrong, it's great, and I've always wanted to be in one of their famous centerfolds, but it's just not as… fulfilling, as I would have thought. You have to come in everyday and smile, you have to have that joy in your eyes that makes people want to be in that picture with you, enjoying the same things you are. I never would have thought something so simple as smiling could be so hard… but you've gotta do it, ya know? You've gotta give every shot your all! Even if you have to borrow that smile from the future._

 _Oh but that's not all I've been up to here, I've actually got a lot written in my new novel! I've been talking to some of the writers in my down time and they've been a huge help giving me some great ideas! Haha, maybe I'll let you read it when you come back, though I have a feeling you'll probably find it and read it before I can even offer. Or Happy will beat you to the punch!_

 _You know, even though I yelled at you guys when you'd sneak peeks at my stuff, it always made me want to smile. You never once told me I was bad. You'd just get that concentrated look on your face and smile that goofy grin at me, even if I snatched my book back and told you to get out. You always smiled…_

 _Hey, Natsu? I really miss that smile… It was always so bright, and it just made everything warmer, or maybe that was just you since you're a weirdo. Either way, it was part of what made every day at Fairy Tail awesome. No matter what villain we faced, no matter what horrible disaster stared us down, you still found a way to smile again, and it gave me the courage to keep smiling too. Even if I have to borrow some from tomorrow, I'm gonna try to smile every day, you hear me, Natsu?! And I hope you are too…_

 _Ah! I mean, I'm sure you don't have to try, no reason to when nothing's wrong, right? Right. Heheh, sorry about that. You're alright and I'm alright and everything's alright! But I've gotta wrap this up and get some food for myself before I starve!_

 _I still haven't got a place to send these letters, but when I do I'll send it express! It'd be nice to hear from you. Well, tell Happy I said hey! And let me know if you see anyone from the guild, okay?!_

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

* * *

 **A/N: I just kept looking over and over this one, trying to decide if I was getting to spastic or OOC with Lucy here, but in the end decided it wasn't too far gone. I mean I can definitely see where Lucy may seem a bit different, but the thing is, every time I found something that didn't sound right, I had another reason why it wasn't. So, in the end, I don't think it was too bad, but if you think differently, so be it. You are entitled to your opinion, as am I.**

 **Probably going to write the next one tomorrow, since I am far too exhausted to now. I'm thinking this may only be 10-12 letters, but not entirely certain yet.**


	4. Numb

_Dear Natsu,_

 _I don't really know what I'm doing. And don't you go thinking I mean I don't know what I'm doing right now or anything like that, you idiot. I just mean, I don't really know. I know, but I don't. It's just frustrating! Like I kind of feel like I'm on autopilot, like I'm not really in control of myself anymore. I get up every morning and go through the same routine but I don't really… feel anything? I guess that's it. Does that even make sense? Probably not, huh? Ugh! I'm sorry, I don't even know why I said that, it's silly and I'm probably just being weird. Let's just forget I said anything, okay? Ha._

 _So anyway, umm, have you been anywhere interesting since you've been gone? I hope you're visiting some nice places, even if it's just some remote forests or something, I'd love to hear about them. Crocus is still beautiful and exciting, but it's not nearly as fun as traveling across the kingdom like we used to. There are so many places we never went, I just hope at least one of us can still explore them all._

 _Geez, there I go again. I'm sorry, I keep talking like you're never coming back. Go ahead, call me weird, I know, I shouldn't be thinking like that. Of course you will, it's only been a few months after all, right? I'm pretty sure, then again the whole time you've been gone has kind of just all dragged out and blended together. Yeah, still a while to go…_

 _It wouldn't seem so long if I could at least send these letters though. I never thought it would be so hard to find someone with a trail of destruction as large as you! Oh! Is that part of your training? Not destroying everything?! That'd sure be helpful on jobs when you get back! Oh, right…_

 _Well it's getting pretty late. I'll send these if I can._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

* * *

 **A/N: This one is short yet again. Lucy is still denying her emotions, though she is feeling fairly numb. She'll break though, she may be tough as nails but everyone reaches the bottom of the pit before they can start clawing themselves out.**

 **Also, thank you so much to anyone and everyone who reads and/or takes time to review my work here, I appreciate you all and your words fuel my writing fire.**

 **Special thanks to** ForeverDreamer12 **for being my first reviewer for these letters, I am glad that the intended emotions I am trying to convey are getting across!**


	5. Alone

**It's been awhile guys, how have you all been? I apologize for not posting anything lately, I'm in a weird place (not that it's an excuse), and just haven't really felt up to writing anything. I'm back with this next letter though! Let's just hope I can conjure up some more, though I feel so out of practice right now that I worry for the quality. Anyway, let me know what you think!  
**

 **Lucy is teetering on the verge of cracking, she knows she can't just ignore it and play her feelings off as her being "silly" anymore.**

* * *

 _Dear Natsu,_

 _I've been wondering a lot lately… were any of us really okay after that day? I was terrified, I tried to hide it, but I was, and nothing will change that. I'm still scared in a way. Obviously not of Tartaros anymore, or being in imminent danger, but I'm still terrified of losing everyone I love. We all made it out alive but, were any of us really still whole after that? Losing the guild was a hard blow for all of us but, we all lost something… some more than others… I just wonder if… if anyone really WANTS to keep in touch, or if the memories are all just too painful…_

 _People move on whether we want them to or not, and it's not for us to decide what moving on means for each person. Some have actually joined new guilds, did you know that? I know Fairy Tail is gone, and I can't expect them to give up and not find work, but what if they don't come back?_ _It's hard to think about, and it's selfish of me, but I don't want anyone to move on and never return… I will hope. I will hope with all I have that it's not the case, but I can't help but wonder, you know?_

 _I hope you're alright, and I hope you're eating enough, and I hope you're not lonely… I know you have Happy, and you might even be around other people, but just because you have someone around, it doesn't mean you can't feel alone..._ _Really though, I'm sure I've babbled on long enough, and I'm sure you'd just tell me I'm being silly to think this way, so I guess I'll end this here._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

 _P.S. I'm starting to realize you might not ever get these letters. I mean it's been 5 months and I can't find hide or tail of you and Happy. I'm not going to give up though, not yet, I can't. I WON'T._


	6. Broken

_Dear Natsu,_

 _Everything is so broken. The guild, her key, my heart, me… I guess I've just been trying to cover it up, and I just… I just can't anymore Natsu! I lost everything I had left, in the span of a few DAYS. I lost Aquarius, I lost her to save you all because I couldn't live with myself without all of you, and then the guild disbanded and everyone just left! Then there was you Natsu, I didn't even get to say goodbye to you, you just left me alone, after everything, with a crappy letter!_

 _I realize you probably had just as much on your mind after all that as I did, but damn it Natsu, that's when best friends are supposed to need each other the most! I wanted to be there for you just as much as I NEEDED you to be here for me. I still need you, Natsu, because I really can't keep doing this alone…_

 _At least you have Happy. I have no one. I know all of my spirits care for me and forgive me, but I can't even look most of them in the eyes after what happened with Aquarius. I did something that should NEVER have to be done, I sacrificed my own friend, and I can't bring her back… All I have is a broken key that I can't bear to look at, yet I can't let leave my sight._

 _Even with all of this Natsu, at least I know I'll be able to look all of them in the eyes again. Everything may be broken, and no amount of time or tears will make everything whole, but we will be okay. My spirits and I will help each other. The guild may never come back, but I know I'll see them again. You may not return in a year's time, but you'll always be my best friend, no matter what, and I'll always love you._

 _This doesn't mean I'm not still angry with you though Natsu. You left me alone without even asking me what I thought, or if I was okay, or even telling me in person. I have been alone for the past 6 months, fending for myself and trying my hardest to beat this depression on my own. You should have been here Natsu, even if you just wrote to me, or visited me, SOMEHOW, you should have been here._

 _Just, please come back soon…_

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

 _P.S. Still can't find you, anywhere. Guess you don't want to be found. You won't ever get these, I won't stop writing though._

* * *

 **I just realized that I posted the previous letter on a Saturday as well, I'll try to stick to posting them on Saturdays for consistency, but the only thing consistent about my writing is how inconsistent it is.**

 **Anyway, Lucy is done trying to hide her feelings, she knows it's not healthy and she knows she can't feel better until she admits that. Frankly, she's also really upset with Natsu, and she's realizing that acting like she isn't is just going to drive a wedge in their friendship. She's also beginning to address her guilt about Aquarius.**

 **I know this letter is really scattered and it seems like Lucy is changing emotions a lot, but that's what the bottom of the pit of depression feels like to me. You know things are wrong, and though you admit all these things and all these feelings, you have hope that you will make it out okay. It's like you feel everything at once and it doesn't always make sense.**

 **Please let me know what you think of the letters so far, I still have some more points to hit on before I'm done with them, but I want to know what you all think. Am I doing a good job? Is there something I'm missing? Leave me a review, follow, favorite, whatever your heart tells you to do!**


	7. Realizations

**Ha! It's Saturday and I was able to crank out another Letter! Woot! I'm really proud of myself for managing to stick to that XD  
**

 **Anyways, here you go!**

 **I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters, they all belong to Hiro Mashima.**

* * *

 _Dear Natsu,_

 _I'm really sorry. I've been holding in all this pent up sadness and aggression and I've just been sub-consciously/consciously directing all of it towards you. That was wrong of me. Regardless of how lonely I felt after everything, and how lonely I still feel, you don't deserve that._

 _You were always there for me no matter what, even when I didn't want to let anyone in. That's something I've always admired about you. Actually, admired isn't even the right word for it, I've always loved you for that, loved your ability to care so deeply about everyone else, even when the world is crashing down around us. I want to be like that._

 _I'm doing my best to work through this, rather than hide it and keep it all to myself. You and my spirits all deserve that much from me, I need to be able to smile and be there for everyone._

 _You know, I called my spirits, so we could talk, really talk, about Aquarius… Out of everyone, I never would have expected Scorpio to be the one to really knock some sense into me. He told me that Aquarius never would have done that if she didn't care, and if she didn't believe in me. He said that I need to be happy for her sake, because even though we may never meet again, she would never want me to be so upset on her account. Gah! Why do I have to be so dense sometimes?!_

 _Anyway, I know it will still be a long time before I can smile at myself in the mirror, but I promise you, I will make the most out of every day._ _We will definitely need to talk some things out Natsu, because I don't think I can be whole until we do, but I will be happy again, and I know that someday, we'll be happy together again. You, me, Happy, the guild, I'll make sure of it._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

* * *

 **I know it's kinda weird that I had Scorpio be the one to tell Lucy what she needed, but I like to think he's the only one of her spirits that really could, seeing that I'm sure he has the best relationship with Aquarius knew more about her than Leo or the others would. We still don't know exactly if all the spirits were still able to see each other in the celestial world before they new key was created though, so that's why I made it ambiguous.**

 **I'm kinda lost on what to do now though, so I don't know if the next chapter will be another letter, or set as an epilogue type deal where Natsu reads her letters when he returns (a great idea from Melime14's review that I most definitely would like to do). Any ideas guys? Is there more I should put into these, or should they end?**

 **Please review, follow, favorite, whatever you feel like doing!**


	8. The Last Letter

_Dear Natsu,_

 _It's been so long, but I'm happy, because I know the day I see you again is drawing near. I guess since you probably don't know where I am right now, I'll start keeping better tabs around Magnolia, so as soon as I hear of you returning I can go back. Or maybe I'll just write you a short letter and send it to your house so you can come find me, I don't know yet, but I'll figure it out._

 _Anyway, I'm actually really excited today, and filled to the brim with nostalgia to boot. I told you that I've been working for Sorceror Weekly, right? Well tomorrow is the Grand Magic Games, and I've actually been selected to attend and write about it! None of the big contenders are going to be there though, so that makes me a little sad, I was hoping to see some of Fairy Tail's former members, but I think it should be fun nonetheless._

 _The whole thing gave me renewed energy to train more with my spirits too. Admittedly, we've been training off and on together since I got here, but because my heart just wasn't in it, it was really slow going. Now though, we're stronger than ever! I may not be a match for anyone like you, but I think I could hold my own, I've got some new tricks up my sleeve! Maybe when you get back we can test our abilities, I'd like to see what a year's training does for you._

 _I'm going to be really busy until the games are over, but I'll make sure to save my article on it for you, in case you don't hear about it. I can't wait to see you and Happy again, I would count the days but I don't know exactly when you'll be back still. Anyway, I'll have some fish ready for Happy. I hope to see you soon Natsu._

 _Love,_

 _Lucy_

* * *

 **Alright, so this will be the last letter, a bit shorter than I would have liked, but this is what we've got. Since I've set this the day before the GMG started, there is only one thing left to do, and it's going to be a special epilogue type deal. It won't be in letter format, it will be a regular chapter, but I'm planning it out right now and I hope you enjoy!  
**

 **Please let me know what you guys think, leave a review, follow, favorite, whatever your heart tells you! See you all next Saturday for the final part!**

 **Also, A New Chapter will be updated sometime this week, now that I'm nearly done with this I am going to attempt to start cracking down on it, because I'm really excited for it!**


	9. His Resolve

**Alright guys, as I said, this chapter will not be in letter format, this is an epilogue of sorts, after Natsu and Lucy meet again at the Grand Magic Games. Please enjoy the last chapter!  
**

* * *

 _I can't believe Fairy Tail is gone, what the hell was Gramps thinking?!_ "Happy..." Natsu inquired to his furry friend as he stared aimlessly at the ceiling of Lucy's apartment.

"Aye?" The blue feline responded, not even bothering to pick himself up from the pillow he was laying on.

"Is the guild… really gone? I can't believe it." Natsu was met with silence, as neither male wanted to believe that their home was truly gone. Suddenly, he rose from his spot on the couch, "Only one thing to do," turning to Happy with a devious and giddy grin plastered to his face, "let's go draw on Lucy's face while she's asleep!"

The cat jolted up from his spot, instantly removed from his previous funk, "I've got the pens ready to go!"

The two silently snuck into Lucy's room, which they were explicitly told not to enter, and looked over at an unconscious Lucy, pens in hand and chuckling lightly to themselves. "She dares to sleep!" Natsu stated with a devious grin as he lurked in the darkness.

"Natsu, make sure you don't wake her." Happy whispered to his best friend.

He nodded to the cat before continuing, "Softly… Gently…" They had nearly made it to Lucy's bedside when Natsu noticed something peculiar on the wall out of the corner of his eye. "Hrmm?" He halted and turned around, only to be met with a huge map of Fiore, taking up the majority of the wall, "What's all this?"

Happy was now at his side, both staring up at the map in wonder, "Everyone's locations. These are incredibly detailed notes. Information on sightings, and the dates they were seen…"

Both males were awestruck, the amount of information gathered on this map was astounding, article upon article about each member of Fairy Tail, all dating within the past year. "Lucy…" Natsu whispered as he turned once again towards the sleeping female. _Have you really been alone all this time?_

Natsu stared aimlessly at Lucy for what seemed like hours, but was only a few brief moments. "Natsu, look at this." He turned to see Happy holding onto envelopes buried in all the documents and files on the floor. "These letters have your name on them." Happy then flew off into the living room without another word, Natsu quickly following after him, knowing what the small feline was going to do.

He walked out to see his friend already on the floor with the envelopes sprawled out around him, "Hey, wait for me buddy, I want to see them too!"

He plopped down and Happy grabbed the first letter he saw, quickly opening it and scanning it until he read out, " _I'll have some fish ready for Happy._ She has fish?!" The letter was then discarded on Natsu's lap as Happy raced off to the kitchen to begin rummaging for fish, forgetting about the letters altogether.

Natsu picked up the letter his feline friend threw and chuckled at his affliction for forgetting everything when it came to fish. _'but since my heart wasn't in it…'_ He finished reading, confused at what she meant by that. _Why would she say something like that? That doesn't sound like Luce, is something wrong that she didn't tell me about?_ He then began to go through all the letters, albeit out of order, at least he guessed, while he pieced it together. _'I haven't heard much from anyone else…', '…it's really… lonely.', '… I'm still terrified of losing everyone I love.', 'I really miss that smile…', 'Everything is so broken.', 'I keep talking like you're never coming back.', '… we'll be happy together again.'._

By the time he was finished reading, Happy was curled up on his pillow munching happily on some salmon, completely oblivious to Natsu's slight trembling. _She never talked about any of this earlier. I didn't think she would be in so much pain… and how was I supposed to know Gramps would disband the guild?! Gah!_ Natsu clenched his fist at his side. _Why was I so stupid?!_ He put all the letters back in their envelopes and walked over to Happy, a determined look on his face, "Happy, put these back where you found them, we've got stuff to do."

The feline looked at his friend with wonder, "What stuff, Natsu?"

"We're gonna get Fairy Tail back." _For Lucy._

* * *

 **Awfully short, I know, I never planned on it being too long anyway. I used chapter 419 as the base for this simply because that is the only time Natsu would have discovered the letters, and for the purpose of this story at least, is part of what led him to light the signal for Fairy Tail. This whole thing didn't turn out nearly as nalu-centric as I'd hoped, but I'm hoping the hints to it are still there enough.  
**

 **And now this story is officially done! What did you all think of it?**

 **It's actually quite difficult to keep up with a multi-chapter story, but I quite enjoyed it! There's so much more to work with than a one-shot and I'm excited to try my hand at more! On that note, if you follow A New Chapter, I'm going to be adding to that as soon as I can, I've been procrastinating via Blade and Soul a lot lately.**

 **Read, review, favorite, follow, whatever you like!**


End file.
